That's the story of my life. I always act a little too late. Let me introduce you to my alter ego. Her name is the same, we look the same, but the minute we open our mouth you can totally tell the difference. You see: she is the voice in my head saying just do it. Stop over thinking it. Live life, don't think it. I sometimes think she's much emotionally advanced than I am. She is not afraid to go out and conquer the world. I dream about it, but I, not my alter ego, could never do it. People almost never talk to her. She's stuck in my head, which must be really depressing to her: being stuck inside me, someone who thinks every thing 30 times and then one more. I can't do spontaneous, which has never brought good results, but I cannot function in any other way.

You see, I am cocky, but only to hide the true me. I need to know the answer to everything, know about everything, and can never make a mistake because I will rub it in my own face for the rest of my life. I will remember that time I acted too late and the guy I liked had gone back to his girlfriend; he didn't want to keep waiting. She was in my head, saying “just do it”. She knows better, and we both know it. She is more emotionally advanced than I am. She lives inside of me, she's the person I can't be but want to. She is also a bitch. She reminds of every excruciating detail of my life that makes me feel like a failure (she takes after my mother). I am spiteful, so is she. It is one of the few things we have in common. She wants me to take risks, but i just feel like I can't.

She came out the other, just for a few hours. She is the one who gets her hopes all up when I meet a guy. She is the one who falls, I am the one standing in the back, ready to come out the minute things go wrong. She dreams of prince charming and I do too, don't get me wrong. But she is so positive, she is expecting love and romance and life being a chick flick and I am getting ready for the time when everything comes down. Why? Life has taught me, than sooner or later, everything will crumble down. Not at the same time, but everything eventually will. She is so happy, she is euphoric, she is the one who can't take the smile of her face when The guy calls and wants to hang out, and I am quiet, for some time, and then, I just start calculating, and keep putting myself down. I guess I take after my mother too.

It's great when she is out. Everything is so nice, and so pink. Life is filled with possibilities. I think we both are writing this. It feels weird. it is like we are both in and out. Putting this into words just seems to help her get out. And that is good. I am better me when she is out. This is for my alter ego... for making me a better person, even though she is not out that much. She seems to be emerge more lately, that's good.